Monogamous Relationship Musings and Other Incidental Matters.

Usually, when I introduce myself as a lawyer, some people don’t take it well, in fact they go really personal and the query begins:



“Are you married? Do you handle divorce cases?”

My response initially use to be: “I didn’t spend six years studying one topic in a course”.



Being an entrepreneur, I’ve learnt to exercise caution, so my pitch is more specific and it sounds like this: “I am a corporate, commercial lawyer who enables and supports business owners and non for profit organisations build effective legal, business and philanthropy systems, manage communications while rendering advisory services which impacts on your return of investment/involvement”.


Guess what? It’s not working. I still get the same query, “So do you handle divorce cases?”



To wiggle out of this situation I maintain that I like to go the long haul with my clients, which includes connecting with their personal interests, especially relational matters. So yes, I handle matters bordering on family and matrimonial causes. Family because, you may not be married and have the result of marriage. Matrimony because you are married.

THE EXISTING SCENARIOS.

For instance, if two love birds want to tie the nuptial knot (enter a marriage contract recognised by English Law) and seek my opinion about the matter, I would advise that they solemnise their union at a licensed place of worship because the Governor of a state is authorised by the Marriage Act to licence any place of public worship within the State to celebrate marriages. One of the key word to consider is CELEBRATE, so it is expected that there’re no impediments to the union, consent from parents or guardians should be expressed, the ceremony should be conducted during the day, in the open, and be in accordance with the rites or usages of marriage practiced in the church with at least two people in attendance aside from the officiating priest. Therefore, you may want to consider if eloping for that secret wedding is recognised as a valid marriage or even worth it. My response; No it isn’t.

Also, “Church Marriage” conducted by Roman Catholics is distinct from solemnising your marriage at a licensed place of worship because the latter is the creation of the Marriage Act and church marriage a creation of the Roman Catholics. The criteria is the same except that evidence of marriage varies slightly, a certificate is issued by the Roman Catholics while Form E of the first schedule to the Marriage Act is issued by a licensed place of worship.

If you are not a Christian on the other hand you can also solemnise your union before a marriage registrar at the Marriage Registry of the state (preferably the local government and local council development areas according to section 7(5) of the 1999 constitution and section 30(1) of the Marriage Act) and because it’s a celebration, there should be no impediment to the union, the wedding ceremony has to be conducted in the open during the day with at least two people in attendance. These days, a licensed place of worship may insist that you approach the marriage registry first, before you are joined by the officiating priest.

If you are not in Nigeria and you are a Nigerian citizen, you are advised to conduct the marriage ceremony at Nigerian Diplomatic or Consular Mission Office before a Nigerian Diplomatic or Consular Officer of the rank of Secretary or above for your marriage to be recognised as valid. The same criteria on celebration should be fulfilled.

In all these instances, the proof of Marriage is usually backed up by a marriage certificate.





Furthermore, a lawyer could also help manage disputes arising from matrimony or family matters. A typical example is when two unmarried people have an issue and both want to have custody of the child, a lawyer may advice that the parties opt for sole or joint custody. Parties may also agree on how the child will be maintained. Whatever arrangement is agreed to, your lawyer(s) present(s )it to a competent court. Be aware that when two unmarried people cohabit and have issues (i.e children), there’s a presumption of marriage. Note that marriage is presumed here, so you might want to approach such social arrangement on the long-term with a plan to cater for matters as sensitive as inheritance, child maintenance and custody, should the other party choose to settle down with someone else who is willing to get married or in case of vicissitudes such as death or ill health that may incapacitate.



On the other hand, some married couples may have really intense matters rocking the marriage ship, and can choose to inform their lawyer on the need to file for judicial separation so that both couple can legally leave apart in order to sort out their differences with the aim of resuming the marriage and the consequential conjugal relationship.

It may or may not end in a divorce. If it does, a lawyer presents your intentions in form of a petition for dissolution of marriage and the court will consider both parties arguments for and against the dissolution. Here, the judge will have to weigh the petition for divorce on conditions provided by the Marriage Act in the light of the issues raised to decide whether or not to dissolve the marriage.

Also, lawyers help you actualise your intention when you want to take a decision to accommodate a child into your family system who you didn't biologically reproduce, by obtaining a legal status for the child through the legal process of adoption.

Family and matrimonial matters are very sensitive, intense and encompassing recognised societal relationships, and because it pertains to your personal interests with other people in the picture, you may have to consider perpetuating your legacy, so a succession plan would be needed and a lawyer is instrumental to documenting your plans.

If in doubt, I hope that you now understand that the law is not against any recognised formal relationships between a man and a woman (although these days marriage is not limited to heterosexual adults). If at all, the institution of marriage has legal structures and is regulated by a legal system with lawyers being one of the key players.

When next you meet a lawyer especially a female, don’t ask if they handle divorce cases seek to know how you can formalise your personal interests: relational, social or business inclined.

On a second thought, I just wanted to add that you should take caution not to compromise on the permanence of such careful arrangement consequential to marriage because the law does not recognise informal relationships so you have to apply your business negotiating skills when relating with an adult (fe) male.

Marriage is a contract, a promise to marry or any shade in between is not recognised by the law, so it is safe not to indulge at worse they may be penalties attached.



I’d love to hear from my readers. Clap if you enjoyed this article and drop your comment too. If you don’t agree with my perspective, your comments are also welcome.